It's Hard To Admit Mistakes

Hi! My name is Adam and I have a problem. Sometimes I have this compulsive desire or need for people to like me. Lately this has gotten me into trouble.

I realize that not everyone likes me. I realize that I might even make people angry. But still, I can't stand it to know that people are upset with me. Sometimes this desire to please others pushes me towards spiritually unhealthy behaviors.

Lately I let someone down and I felt really bad about it. Its not that I did anything intentional, but rather, I forgot to take care of something for them. Whats worse is that when push came to shove, I was tempted and did lie about it. Yeah, that's right, I sinned and I feel like crap about it. I thought that telling the truth would cause problems so I figured if I stretched the truth a bit, it would be okay. After all, I got the job taken care of before any deadline, so no harm, no foul, right?

WRONG! What I did was wrong. I am supposed to be an example of a Christ follower, but here I showed my self to be just another example of fallen humanity. Yeah, I know we aren't perfect, but this really bothers me. Yes, I have confessed my sin to God and He is faithful to forgive us and cleanse us, but I also think God is teaching me a lesson with all of this.

I understand that you cannot trust a liar. But truthfully, (ha... no pun intended) I can say that I am a pretty honest person. It just seems that when push comes to shove I feel this need to stretch the truth to keep on people's A-list. But when I do that, all that happens is that I get myself into trouble with others and I disappoint my God and Savior.

So to the person I wronged, I am sorry. I know that doesn't make it okay, but please forgive me.

The carnal nature in me just wants to cry out, "It's no big deal. It wasn't life or death. Why do people notice when I tell one little white lie and others lie all the time?" Actually that last part does sometimes get me. But we need to realize that when we sin, it's not against the other person. Our sin is always vertical against a holy God rather than horizontal against fellow sinful people.

So to everyone out there, I am sorry. Even if this instance doesn't include you, I am sorry if I have destroyed any trust. This has all been very humbling to me. Yeah, I know we all mess up and some more than others, but I need to constantly remember that I am only clean because of Jesus and not because of my position, heritage, or works I do.

Here I stand, opened up about something most bloggers and pastors would never admit to, but I need to. It's hard to admit mistakes, but I can't face Jesus or others unless I do. Again, it might have only been one white lie, but that was one too many.